FFS Samsung - Why Do You Hate Me?

An artice on why Samsung is a steaming pile of shit

Im not sure it's the Android OS or Google that has made Samsung suck or the other way around. But in any case I just finished submitting about 6 terrible ratings for my Samsung Galaxy S4 in different sites. If i missed any feel free to write to me!

If there is something that I hate more than bad customer support, it is the idea of customer support telling you how and what to do with the device that you own and have paid for with your hard earned cash. But wait! isn't that what customer support is supposed to be there for? Well, not if they make the choices for me WITHOUT giving me the oportunity to say "...naaah, thanx ill just go ahead and continue whatever i was doing...". Enter Samsung...

A huge international conglomerate company, so successful and loving the smell of their own farts that their headquarters are based in a town called Samsung Town in Seoul! Unfortunately, that swellheaded, smug feeling of Samsung's self importance has gotten so far up their ass holes, that they have not only stopped giving any fucks what-so-ever towards their loyal customers but also trying to force them into other shitty products they believe is likely to make them even more money!

A couple of days ago, I had to factory reset my Samsung Galaxy S4 (considered as one of the best top tier Android phones on the market) because it abrruptly switched to "uselessly slow mode" after an OS version upgrade. That started my frustrations with this entire line of android devices. After the facory reset one more thing remained. I wanted to remove all the preinstalled crapware that some butthole of a person at Samsung (with an obscure profession like sales or marketing 'expert') randomly decided I may need. Here are their names with a brief description

1. Flipboard: Your News Magazine - basically a random collection of pictures of boobs with an obscure title like "What is Kim Kardashian up to?". I mean who the fuck even cares what she is up to ?!
2. ANT Radio Service and ANT Plugins - A program that wants me to pay for shitty music I dont listen to!
3. Beaming Service for Beep'nGo - With a name like that, unless its a Star Trek teleportation device...i don't care!
4. Blurb checkout - ...because fuck you!
5. ChatON and ChatON Voice&Video - poor man's Skype
6. Samsung Link - An app that assumes the entire galaxy uses Samsung devices
7. Samsung Print Service - NO. I have a PC for printing

...
These are all apps knocked up into your Galaxy S4's phone memory, that you can't simply uninstall without telekinetic abilities to controll electronic devices or hacking the fuck out of your phone's operating system. Something which I can't do or don't give a hoot about trying respectively!

So why does a company like Samsung, which relies on customer satisfaction and brand recognition treat its loyal fans to these restrictive policies?

I could only come to one conclusion: Samsung is a crabby old cunt that would love nothing more that to see you and your loved ones suffer. It simply DOESN'T CARE. As a result, I am taking action. My next phone will be an iPhone! At least those guys advertise the fact that they butt-fuck you so you can pre-emtively ready yourself to start liking it! Plus it won't need a factory reset every Tuesday if its a rainy day!

Eid Ul Adha : The unabridged story of a dream

A short biblical story of a man who was commanded by god in his dreams

It is that time of the year, when about 30% of the population in my country is in full joy, celebration and forgiveness. Most of the streets in northern part of Skopje, soaked with the blood of hoofed 4 legged animals, are filled with men walking side by side with their sons, going house to house in celebration. I have always wondered why instead of sacrificing animals in public display, one cannot just simply buy meat? Hence, this conscious tension led me to do a little research into the story of how Eid Ul Adha (or as it is known here as Bajram) came to be.

Please be warned however! Although I have numbed down the violence in the story to the best possible effect as to not lose context, I would still rate it as PG 18. Anyway, it all started out 4-5 millennia ago (before man invented todays modern religions) in a place called Canaan (somewhere in modern-day Israel).

A self-declared religious guy called Abraham (originally Abram in Hebrew or Ibrahim in Arabic), after a full days work in the desert decided to call it a night. Although he had a mild headache from all the desert sun reflecting off his head, little did he (or anyone for that matter back then) know that overexposure to the high heat and UV factor of the sun could mess up cognitive abilities. Nonetheless, he crept under the sheets with one of his wives and fell fast asleep.

All of a sudden, in his sleep, the man heard a voice calling out to him: 'Abraham!'. Lowe and behold, it was god himself speaking to Abraham in his dreams.

'What the....', thought Abraham.

'Here am I' said god sounding like Yoda from Star Wars. 'Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I shall tell you.' (Genesis 22:1-2, R.S.V.)

Abraham was confused at first since his only son for 13 years was called Ismael! But since god works in mysterious ways ( I mean wtf he can beam thoughts into the guys head whilest he's asleep)

But being a deeply obedient believer and loving of his god, he decided to obey the request, beamed into his head through his dream. So, he got up and went to his friends to explain what god had commanded him to do. Curiously enough Abraham's friends didn't have any objections as to what he was about to do. In fact they supported his exemplary devotion to the god which spoke to him in his dream. However, he had one more person to convince. His 13 year old son Ismael, who was chosen by god to take one for the team! I mean, he couldn't just drag the kid to a mountain and cut open his throat just like that. He had to at least explain to him why first!

Abraham immediately went to Ismael and explained to him his dream about slaughtering him. Surprisingly enough Ismael was thrilled at this idea. In fact, he was so cock-a-hoop about it that he couldn't wait for his dad to get on with it!!! So, off they went, blissfully rejoicing at the fact that they will be carrying out the good gods will.

At the sacrificial stone, Abraham pulled out his knife (which he had prepared earlier for the solemn occasion), whilst his Ismael made himself comfortable on the slab of stone. In no time at all, Abraham was cheerfully at his son's throat, eyes closed, cutting like there's no tomorrow! At that point, he opened his eyes to check on his progress and to his dismay, he witnessed the most unbelievable thing! God had pulled a Houdini on Abraham. He had replaced his son Ismael with a lamb! The good god's intentions had only been to test Abraham's faith in him. Indeed, Abraham passed the test with flying colors. Ismael was kind of relieved to hear this. And so, both father and son

They lived happily ever after (the old fart lived to be over 170 years old apparently).

The End!

Moral of the story:

I am not really sure about this one, but apparently this is story is why the celebrations on Eid Ul Adha are about. Of course since several millennia passed from that time, there have been a little additions and instructions appended to it, as to what to do with the meat of the poor creature being slaughtered etc. But nevertheless that is the story in a nutshell.

Millions of people follow this demented ritual every year in the name of a god who somehow feels pleased every time a hoofed 4 legged animal gets decapitated.

I hope this has been an interesting and informative read.

Until next time!